What a Decade of a Year!

In a little less than 19 hours, 2009 will be in the past, and 2010 will be born anew.  We go through the same thing every year, and as such, every new coming year is as bittersweet as the last.  We all sit at some point around this time and ponder the past year, wether we like it or not, and usually try to strive to make the next year even more exciting than the past year.  Some of us make resolutions way beyond our capabilities, while others make the resolutions to pass them off one week into the new year, only to regret it by this time next year.  Which is what I’ll probably end up doing, myself.  After all, I only managed to actually succeed in two of my fifty new year resolutions from last year…ok, possibly three…but who’s counting anyway?

My first resolution was to stop biting my finger nails, and in a little less than 19 hours, I can celebrate on that account.  I never much liked the taste of nail anyway, and glad to not put up with the pains of accidentially biting too much off.  Of course, with that, came less intrest in my playing violin or guitar.  I guess, now that I think about it, I enjoy listening to others play music, more than I enjoyed playing.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy to fiddle every now and again, but if I don’t have a pair of nail clippers near by, then forget it.

My second goal was to do a Walk.  Most of you who actually know me, already know what the Walk is and are probably screaming ‘Don’t talk about it, Jen! we’ve heard enough!!’  But for those of you who don’t know about it, The Walk (www.takethewalk.net and www.tomsshoes.com) is a charity that’s made possible by the band, Hanson, and Tom’s Shoes.  For every person who walks one mile, Hanson donates a dollar to Toms.  And for every pair of shoes purchased from Toms, a child in need gets a pair too.  So far, they’ve walked one and a half times around the world, and have donated more than 50,000 shoes.  The Walk doesn’t stop there, that dollar goes to five other causes besides giving shoes to a shoeless child.  Go, check them out, and add them to your new years resolution.  Just doing a walk (which is free), is really a life changing situation.  I walked one mile, barefoot, through snow with my best friend, Jozette, and that day will forever be with me.  One of the happiest moments in my life thus far.

The last resolution, I’ve been working on for more than a decade…even before the Internet was accessable to people in their homes.  You see, my dad had another son, five years before I was born, with another woman. As I was growing up, my mother and my dad would quite often talk about Josh and hoped that some day I would get to meet him.  I knew that Josh grew up in Bear Creek, which is the town to the south of Golden (the town I grew up in), and went to high school at one of my rival schools. 

Every year, I would ask my dad if he had heard any word from Tina (Josh’s mom), or Josh.  Every year I would hear ‘no.’  Every year I would ask to scout out Josh, but nothing would come of it.  I even wrote Oprah a letter once, explaining to her about my long-lost half brother I had never met, but knew about.  The only thing my dad had that proved he even existed was a baby picture.  I never heard back from Oprah.

Janurary 5th, 2009, I asked dad for some further information on Josh, and used Facebook and Myspace.  I found a Josh fitting the description daddy gave me, and wrote him.  For the next couple of hours, my dad, mama and I had kept our fingers crossed.  When the confirmation came that I had found my brother, we were over joyed.

My daddy hadn’t seen Josh for close to 30 years, let alone spoken a word with him, so that first email exchange between Josh and I nearly had me crying.  I don’t know why, Josh was a stranger to me, I’d never known him, only of his name, and wasn’t even sure that I’d like him.  However, he was my brother, by blood, and I was glad to have finally, after nearly 20 years of asking to know my brother, had found him.

Josh and I first met in person when I was working.  It was a chilly night, and he called me out of the blue saying he was at my mall.  Immediately we clicked, knowing just from little manerisms and similiarities we thought were our own, was shared by the both of us, and the brother-sister bond had been opened.

Out of work, Josh and his family invited me and my boyfriend out on their newly bought boat.  The second time I was able to get out on the lake with him, daddy and mama came along.  This was the first time in 30 years that Josh and Dad had met. 

If you’ve never felt the kind of happiness and fullness that comes after rekindling a family who hasn’t seen or heard from eachother in that long of a time, I highly suggest you help someone, if not yourself, do that.  I’m not married, nor do I have kids, but I have a feeling this will be the happiest day of my life, even after marriage and the like. 

19 hours left of 2009, I’m really not sure what to expect from this next year.  I haven’t really set any New Years resolutions for myself yet, except to learn how to speed knit.  I already know that in a few weeks, or days even, I will be living in a place of my own, instead of in the basement of my parents house…though I wish I could stay.  I’m not a fool.  Living with parents (if you get along with them, that is) is the smartest thing a kid can do.  Rent’s cheaper than an apartment.  As long as your working, its basically like living with friends.  At least here, with my parents it is.

I do think 2009 is the last year I try to rekindle my real mothers and my relationship.  For the past three years I’ve kept it at a Christmas Card and gift level, yet I have never received a card, or a call in return, all the while my mother keeps crying to my nana that I am not doing anything to try to make up to her, and all the while my nana crying to me asking me why I’m not trying to fix things between us.  Maybe this year they’ll understand that I don’t mix well with alcoholics? Haha.  <– That laugh is lighthearted. 

I think, 2010, I’m going to take it day by day, like I’ve started doing.  I’m going to continue to not bite my nails, hopefully set up my knitting shop on Etsy, or find a small store in my mall that would like to sell my things.  I hope to write more, as I accidentally happened upon old, unfinished Hanfics that I started a few years ago, and have written more of lately.  I hope to continue building stronger bonds with the friends and family in my life today, and I am determined to keep Walking. 

As for those of you reading this blog, I hope your New Years turns out excellent, and may this year be blessed for you and yours!

<3,
Xoxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwGFxVX6uwg