Another sleepless night
I really hope Jake understands.
I mean honestly, truthfully, understands.
I hate having to cut our days short because I need this little thing called sleep.
I already have one day I don’t sleep a week. Today will make it two days. Yes, true, I coulda said no tohorseback riding, but Jake and I don’t get to see eachother as often as we’d like and it’s been a few weeks since I last hung out with him, so I figured I owed it to him to not sleep on my last day off, and go riding with him.
He asked me if we could spend the whole day together and I answered that it would depend on if I could sleep or not. He answered ‘Ah.’ which, to me, doesn’t sound pleasing.
This is the reason I hope he understands. Honestly, truly, understands.
I’ve explained to him about my being a night owl. I’ve tried explaining to him that his 9am is my 9pm; that I sleep during the day. He KNOWS that I usually go to bed between 6-8 in the morning and wake up between 3-5. I’ve operated that way since about the new year, when I switched to working night shift. Even before then, on my days off my schedule would run like it is now. The only difference was on days I worked, because my old shift started at 2, I would be up around 1, still going to bed around 6-8am…so really, he should know my sleeping schedule, he’s known me for almost two years now.
Anyway. I really hope he understands when, come about five or six o’clock tonight, when I start becoming bitchy and moody, that it’s not him pissing me off. Just the fact that, in my time, I would have already been up for over 24 hours the second time this week, and just want to sleep.
Should he happen to ask about it, I have decided I’m going to tell him, for the last time, my schedule is backwards. Though we were riding horses starting at 11am, it was my 11pm.
I’ll go ahead and probably tell him that I’ve told him this before, and inquire about what he’s not getting; the fact that he’s dating a night owl, or the fact that I am human and need sleep to function as bubbly as I usually do when we get together later at nights.
Depending on my mood, I’m hoping to make it as nice as I can.
Who knows, I may even tell him what I’ve wanted to tell him for some time (I just haven’t found an appropriate moment to bring it up) that maybe he should get up at 2am for me and live my schedule for a week to see how he likes being sleep deprived. I get off work at 3am. He starts work at 6am. We could have breakfast for a week or two, and on his days off we could play on my schedule, again, for a week or two and see exactly how he holds up trying to work like that, trying to please his family with the schedule I have.
He’ll soon notice my point.
And for those of you wondering, I’ve always been like this. It started back in middle school and no matter what I’ve tried, I cannot magically become a morning lark. Yes, I’ve spoken with doctors, and they’ve all said it’s depression. Depression I’ve experienced. This isn’t depression. This is just a case of having a screwed up internal clock, and I’ve becomed accoustomed to it and have accepted it. I only wish others would.
So, in all respect toward the boy I really do love dearly,
I hope he understands.
Because I’d hate to be a bitch about it.
<3,
Xoxo!
Eleven Months, One day
Jake and I have dated for about a year, but we’ve only officially been together for eleven months and one day. Officially, I mean of course, as sharing our first kiss…in the parking lot of Charlie’s, a gay bar in downtown Denver, but that goes without saying that this relationship has been the best relationship i’ve had amongst the longest.
The only other relationship that could even amount to half of what this one is, is the one I had with my ex-girlfriend, Cynthia (then known as Greg until the beginning of this year when he became a she with the full surgery)…and though Cynthia still remains one of my dearest friends, Jake has surpassed what Cynthia and I had by quite a bit.
It’s ironic that Cynthia was my first, and I was Jake’s first. I never imagined it would turn out like that, but I would most definately do it over again. And though our relationship has barely even taken off, I feel this is right for me, for us (even though I do bitch and moan daily to my friends about it, I wouldn’t have it any other way).
I’ve tried to imagine my life without Jake and I see it as a lonely world, filled with me sitting on my arse, iPhone in hand, scanning YouTube and persisting with my Twitter addiction…much more than I do now, that is. With Jake, I’ve got someone other than my friends and family to live for, I’ve got the world.
And as I was on Twitter, putting in my load for #musicmonday, a song popped ip on someone elses playlist. Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. Jake’s and my song for the moment. I re-downloaded it to my iPod on a whim, feeling guilty that I haven’t done it yet an have waited for months to actually bite the $1.29 price bullet and actually do it.
I remember te night I picked it as our song. I was on te back porch, listening to Slacker Radio on my iPhone, and it cane on. I clung to every word as if it was written for the both of us.
Jake; never having a girlfriend, all his dates ending in catastrophie, then holding on and finding me after his 26 years of life. Then me; in relationships with Ross (the hopeless romantic), Cynthia (the punk rocker), Brandon (the sex addict and tattoo shop/recording studio owner, heir of Glidden paint), Brian (the sailor) Mahaya (the Aussie), Quinn (the Marine), all of them, lasting the 6 month curse if not a week or two, before drifting off into life’s abyss before finding Jake (the cowboy) and feeling able to settle down. God my life reads like a tarot card system. Haha.
Anyhoo, Bless the Broken Road. See?perfect for what we have, and perfect for what we will continue to have.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you
[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true
[Chorus]
Now I’m just rolling home
Into my lover’s arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
I love you Jake Johnson.
<3,
Xoxo
Six Month Anniversary
Hello strangers,
Well, today is it. The six month anniversary and Jake and I are going strong. This is a big day for the both of us! You see, Jake has never had a girlfriend before and me, well I’ve never had a relationship last for any longer than six months, maybe six months and some odd hours.
It was fun getting up to this point, as Jake would always be a month ahead of schedule and I would have to keep correcting him. I’m not sure what I’m to do now though, with six months finally being here. I don’t think he’ll be doing this with every six months. Not to mention, I don’t mind now if he jumps a month ahead because all I really had on my mind was to get through the first six months! Har har har! And I did it!
So, who’s this Jake and why didn’t the others last this long?
Jake is an amazing guy. I feel he’s the right one…at least the butterflies haven’t stopped since we started dating. Not to mention he puts up with my crap =^^=.
The others? They’re all still friends, I love each and every one of them dearly, they just aren’t dating material. Not to sound rude…they’re not MY dating material. There. That’s better. We had our differences and on a few occasions, wondered why I even waited six months to say goodbye. People might call me a bitch, but hey, I’ve got expectations and I’m not going to wait longer than I have to before some thing is done about it.
Well, I have to be going. Picking up a three extra hours at work, which means I have to get up earlier than the norm…grrrr.
<3,
Xoxo!
