Another sleepless night
I really hope Jake understands.
I mean honestly, truthfully, understands.
I hate having to cut our days short because I need this little thing called sleep.
I already have one day I don’t sleep a week. Today will make it two days. Yes, true, I coulda said no tohorseback riding, but Jake and I don’t get to see eachother as often as we’d like and it’s been a few weeks since I last hung out with him, so I figured I owed it to him to not sleep on my last day off, and go riding with him.
He asked me if we could spend the whole day together and I answered that it would depend on if I could sleep or not. He answered ‘Ah.’ which, to me, doesn’t sound pleasing.
This is the reason I hope he understands. Honestly, truly, understands.
I’ve explained to him about my being a night owl. I’ve tried explaining to him that his 9am is my 9pm; that I sleep during the day. He KNOWS that I usually go to bed between 6-8 in the morning and wake up between 3-5. I’ve operated that way since about the new year, when I switched to working night shift. Even before then, on my days off my schedule would run like it is now. The only difference was on days I worked, because my old shift started at 2, I would be up around 1, still going to bed around 6-8am…so really, he should know my sleeping schedule, he’s known me for almost two years now.
Anyway. I really hope he understands when, come about five or six o’clock tonight, when I start becoming bitchy and moody, that it’s not him pissing me off. Just the fact that, in my time, I would have already been up for over 24 hours the second time this week, and just want to sleep.
Should he happen to ask about it, I have decided I’m going to tell him, for the last time, my schedule is backwards. Though we were riding horses starting at 11am, it was my 11pm.
I’ll go ahead and probably tell him that I’ve told him this before, and inquire about what he’s not getting; the fact that he’s dating a night owl, or the fact that I am human and need sleep to function as bubbly as I usually do when we get together later at nights.
Depending on my mood, I’m hoping to make it as nice as I can.
Who knows, I may even tell him what I’ve wanted to tell him for some time (I just haven’t found an appropriate moment to bring it up) that maybe he should get up at 2am for me and live my schedule for a week to see how he likes being sleep deprived. I get off work at 3am. He starts work at 6am. We could have breakfast for a week or two, and on his days off we could play on my schedule, again, for a week or two and see exactly how he holds up trying to work like that, trying to please his family with the schedule I have.
He’ll soon notice my point.
And for those of you wondering, I’ve always been like this. It started back in middle school and no matter what I’ve tried, I cannot magically become a morning lark. Yes, I’ve spoken with doctors, and they’ve all said it’s depression. Depression I’ve experienced. This isn’t depression. This is just a case of having a screwed up internal clock, and I’ve becomed accoustomed to it and have accepted it. I only wish others would.
So, in all respect toward the boy I really do love dearly,
I hope he understands.
Because I’d hate to be a bitch about it.
<3,
Xoxo!
Sleeplessness
So here I sit, at work. It’s going on to 25 hours with 30 minutes of sleep and I’m seriously considering smoking in the office.
It’s not busy, quite slow actually, but just having to work with my boyfriend is stress enough. Any of you who work with a loved one will know what I mean by it’s not a good idea in the least bit.
Ok, so now it’s actually going onto 28 hours of no sleep and I have an hour and a half left of work. I got my jumprope finally so I have to brush up on my jumprope songs. Last night while jumping with a piece of string I could only get through the first rhyme in the Teddy bear Teddy bear song. Sad, right?
My goal is to learn all of them I can and hopefully, with my newfound love, I can reach my goal weight. Depending on how motivated I am by the end of it, I’m hoping to drop another ten to fifteen pounds by Halloween. I’m gonna shoot for one month so maybe I can surprise my Beau with the princess leia slave costume he wants me to wear and not have my pooch of a tummy, but something tells me that’s not realistic. It took three months for me to loose ten pounds, of course I cheated for a few weeks there because of my vacation to Chicago. Just managed to get my weight down to where it was before I left.
Wow, ok, so this blog has taken a turn than what I planned it being about haha. That’s ok though. I’ve been three hours without working with my boyfriend and so most of my stress has melted away. Excited to move the blog onto what’s on my mind I guess.
Anyway, back on track here. For those of you wondering, no I’m not starving myself on diets fit for supermodels. I actually have been eating what I want when I want, I’ve just been smart about it. I have been excercising, not as regularly a I was three months ago, but starting two nights ago I’ve been getting back on track with that.
I think most of it is because a lot of my friends have been getting married and having babies. With Jake and my relationship getting more serious as time goes on, I figured it wouldn’t hurt starting to turn my body into something that would fit into a wedding dress that I won’t embarrass myself in from, as I mentioned above, my pooch, or my intoned arms.
I was talking with mama about how pregnant people gain weight, as my friends have and I’m determined to at least get down into shape before I even think about that so maybe I can keep weight gain to a minimal.
I know I’m jumping way into the future there with my thinking, but time isn’t going by any slower so why the hell not try to get ahead of my game for once?
<3,
Xoxo
My spiritual side.
People wonder how I can take midnight walks (for me 3am walks) and not be scared. I think it’s because I feel I’m closer with the earth and the Spirits and just fully trusting God in all my might when I do.
Not only is it peaceful. Quiet. Serene and beautiful when the stars out and we are blessed with nice weather, I tend to think of it as a gift from Him that most people take for granted and tend to miss because they’re sleeping.
When I walk in the wee morning hours, I always pray for a moment before hand and let Him know that I am in his hands tonight and I pray for Him to keep me safe. Just from that, I feel safe and secure, even living a block away from ‘The Hood’ and in a place where we had a person shot at the end of my block.
I’m also not stupid; making sure I’m always aware of my surroundings and prepared for everything.
I was never religious, nor would I say that I am religious, now. But since moving in with my dad and mama, and hitting rock bottom I’ve definately taken it into more consideration. Enough consideration to always appreciate every waking moment.
It’s a nice feeling. Comforting, really.
<3,
Xoxo!
It sucks being a night owl.
So I’m a night owl. I work the night shift, hence by hours are screwed up anyway. I get home at 3am, and usually don’t get tired until 8-10am. I have to wake up on Mondays now (because of a few schedule changes) at 2pm.
I fell asleep for about an hour at 6 and have spent the last near two hours tossing and turning. Then the all too bland sounding DING of my text messaging struck my curiosity. That led to me reading a few blogs, and now I’m mostly awake (which is different than being all awake as my right eye feels tired, while my left eye is up an Adam)!!!
I could have said no. I could have easily looked my favorite supervisor in the eye and told her ‘no I will not work for you on Mondays, your leaving us, why should I work for you when you’re saying goodbye,’ but alas, I didn’t.
…it sounded good at the time. Plus, overtime was cut out at work so when opportunity for it rings…
*sigh*
And, to top it off, I spent since the new year growing out my fingernails. They were pretty long. Last week I cut the fingernails on my left hand (I play violin, couldn’t take not playing it anymore due to fingernails obstructing my flittering philanges), and tonight, on my right hand, getting a roll if toilet paper out of a fresh batch, I bent them all which caused them to break. So I said I had it with fingernails and cut them.
Now I have to get used to the feeling of not having an extra quarter of an inch extending my hand, LOL.
<3,
Xoxo!
