Another sleepless night
I really hope Jake understands.
I mean honestly, truthfully, understands.
I hate having to cut our days short because I need this little thing called sleep.
I already have one day I don’t sleep a week. Today will make it two days. Yes, true, I coulda said no tohorseback riding, but Jake and I don’t get to see eachother as often as we’d like and it’s been a few weeks since I last hung out with him, so I figured I owed it to him to not sleep on my last day off, and go riding with him.
He asked me if we could spend the whole day together and I answered that it would depend on if I could sleep or not. He answered ‘Ah.’ which, to me, doesn’t sound pleasing.
This is the reason I hope he understands. Honestly, truly, understands.
I’ve explained to him about my being a night owl. I’ve tried explaining to him that his 9am is my 9pm; that I sleep during the day. He KNOWS that I usually go to bed between 6-8 in the morning and wake up between 3-5. I’ve operated that way since about the new year, when I switched to working night shift. Even before then, on my days off my schedule would run like it is now. The only difference was on days I worked, because my old shift started at 2, I would be up around 1, still going to bed around 6-8am…so really, he should know my sleeping schedule, he’s known me for almost two years now.
Anyway. I really hope he understands when, come about five or six o’clock tonight, when I start becoming bitchy and moody, that it’s not him pissing me off. Just the fact that, in my time, I would have already been up for over 24 hours the second time this week, and just want to sleep.
Should he happen to ask about it, I have decided I’m going to tell him, for the last time, my schedule is backwards. Though we were riding horses starting at 11am, it was my 11pm.
I’ll go ahead and probably tell him that I’ve told him this before, and inquire about what he’s not getting; the fact that he’s dating a night owl, or the fact that I am human and need sleep to function as bubbly as I usually do when we get together later at nights.
Depending on my mood, I’m hoping to make it as nice as I can.
Who knows, I may even tell him what I’ve wanted to tell him for some time (I just haven’t found an appropriate moment to bring it up) that maybe he should get up at 2am for me and live my schedule for a week to see how he likes being sleep deprived. I get off work at 3am. He starts work at 6am. We could have breakfast for a week or two, and on his days off we could play on my schedule, again, for a week or two and see exactly how he holds up trying to work like that, trying to please his family with the schedule I have.
He’ll soon notice my point.
And for those of you wondering, I’ve always been like this. It started back in middle school and no matter what I’ve tried, I cannot magically become a morning lark. Yes, I’ve spoken with doctors, and they’ve all said it’s depression. Depression I’ve experienced. This isn’t depression. This is just a case of having a screwed up internal clock, and I’ve becomed accoustomed to it and have accepted it. I only wish others would.
So, in all respect toward the boy I really do love dearly,
I hope he understands.
Because I’d hate to be a bitch about it.
<3,
Xoxo!
It sucks being a night owl.
So I’m a night owl. I work the night shift, hence by hours are screwed up anyway. I get home at 3am, and usually don’t get tired until 8-10am. I have to wake up on Mondays now (because of a few schedule changes) at 2pm.
I fell asleep for about an hour at 6 and have spent the last near two hours tossing and turning. Then the all too bland sounding DING of my text messaging struck my curiosity. That led to me reading a few blogs, and now I’m mostly awake (which is different than being all awake as my right eye feels tired, while my left eye is up an Adam)!!!
I could have said no. I could have easily looked my favorite supervisor in the eye and told her ‘no I will not work for you on Mondays, your leaving us, why should I work for you when you’re saying goodbye,’ but alas, I didn’t.
…it sounded good at the time. Plus, overtime was cut out at work so when opportunity for it rings…
*sigh*
And, to top it off, I spent since the new year growing out my fingernails. They were pretty long. Last week I cut the fingernails on my left hand (I play violin, couldn’t take not playing it anymore due to fingernails obstructing my flittering philanges), and tonight, on my right hand, getting a roll if toilet paper out of a fresh batch, I bent them all which caused them to break. So I said I had it with fingernails and cut them.
Now I have to get used to the feeling of not having an extra quarter of an inch extending my hand, LOL.
<3,
Xoxo!
